DIY: Arse Extension

I have recently been asked if I have fake boobs, hair extensions and this just in – lash extensions.

Now, I think it’s great that we have all of these enhancing procedures to purchase at will, but they are making me look fake! My lashes are God-given, I’m superstitious about cutting my hair*, except at the full moon to help it grow longer, and my milkshakes have been bringing all the boys to my yard since I hit puberty.

And might I point out that no-one, not a single person, has asked about my arse extension**. Seems it’s believably natural…

* No I’m not – I get regular trims. But I do actually know someone who is! She swears by a miniscule snip at the very tip of the longest part of your hair when you flip your head over. Must be performed only at the full moon.

**Aka butt implants, but doesn’t ‘arse extension’ have a nice ring to it? Oh, and it turns out you don’t need an actual surgical procedure to plump up your butt. A strict regimen of taking a desk job, a diet of shortbread and milkshakes during pregnancy and the natural transition from early to late twenties will achieve the same result. Hazzahhhhh!***

*** Angry hazzah.

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 28th, 2010 at 9:00 am. It is filed under Beauty DIY, Uncategorized and tagged with breast augmentation, breast implants, butt implants, diet, DIY, fake boobs, freak out, hair extensions, lash extensions, trends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.